If your idea of heaven is a desolate strip of tar coming to a point somewhere on the horizon, you’ll feel right at home aboard this Teutonic behemoth of a motorbike.
In Robert Pirsig’s best-selling Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, he explores the concept of “quality†and the two ways of appreciating it: There are people who like to understand how the mechanics of something function down to the last detail, and there are people who prefer to focus on the big picture. (They just want the mechanics to work.)
This bike will suit people in the latter category. It’s covered in plastic and alloy metal, and doesn’t invite you to get your han ds dirty. Under those covers is a car-sized, six-cylinder, 1 649cc engine that delivers 118 kW of power and 175 Nm of torque. But don’t worry too much about the numbers; all you need to know is that the bike has more power than you’ll ever need and BMW offers great roadside assistance in the unlikely event that something goes wrong inside that engine.
This is a touring bike, not a commuter. It’s exactly a metre wide, so you can’t weave nimbly through peak-hour traffic. It looks modern and conservative at the same time, with some touches of dry German humour â€" the instrument panel looks like it was stolen off a 1980s boom box and each exhaust silencer ends in three neat holes. Hop aboard and let’s go for a ride.
What’s the ride like?
You can adjust the suspension electronically to cater for a passenger and luggage. Acceleration is also controlled electronically as you twist the throttle, according to three pre-programmed modes: Rain, Road and Dynamic. You can’t accelerate too fast in low gears in Rain mode; Dynamic is for when you want to dice the superbikes on a Sunday morning.
The 1600GT isn’t an amazingly fast bike (it has a top speed of 200 km/h), but it’s smooth. It’s surprisingly easy to guide the 332 kg frame around a bend â€" you can tackle the Outeniqua Pass without a second thought. It’s good to know you have enough power to get out of a sticky situation.
The only time the power delivery is temperamental is at really low speeds. You’ll struggle to creep along in the traffic at 30 km/h.
What about a pillion?
This is a bike designed for two people. The passenger handgrips are comfortable and the seat is thick and soft â€" th ere’s even a switch that heats it up on chilly mornings. If your bank manager gives you some leeway, the even more luxurious GTL model has a comfy integrated passenger backrest.
Luggage space?
The 1600GT comes with a set of matching removable panniers, each offering 33 litres of storage space. There are also two stowage boxes at knee height where you can stash your wallet, house keys and something to drink. The box on the right is waterproof and has a USB port and an audio socket so you can recharge your phone and stream music. All the receptacles and cases can be remotely locked by pressing a button on the key fob.
Let there be light.
The halogen headlights have the characteristic BMW halo and they’re bright enough to ensure you feel safe on the road at night. The adaptive headlight is also gyroscopically balanced so the beam always has the same reach despite dips in the road, and it follows the road automatically when you corner.
Other features:
ABS brakes; immobiliser; central locking; traction control; cruise control; USB and audio sockets; heated seats and handgrips; electronically adjustable windscreen and suspension; thumb wheel for information like tyre pressure and ambient temperature. The sound system and al arm are optional extras that will cost you more.
How thirsty is it?
Riding relatively conservatively, you’ll get around 5,7 â„"/100 km. If you regularly exceed the speed limit, your wallet will feel it.
What’s missing?
A reverse gear would have been nice…
Verdict:
It’s not as luxurious as the Honda Goldwing, the king of big tourers, but it’s much more versatile and fun.
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